Life of Pai

To that town I fell in love with, that sits nestled in the mountains, where I found a home within the huts sitting on a rice field…

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Where I sat on the swing by the stream and meditated each day…

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And the hot springs were straight out of an ethereal dream…

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Where we made up our own motorbikes gang and rode through one the most beautiful sceneries I have ever witnessed with my bare eyes.
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Where you can find infinity in the valleys and mountains…

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And I found freedom in riding on the back of a motorbike. Where my hair created tunnels for the wind, as I felt the warm kisses of the sun on my back, and closed my eyes and reached out for the airwaves, as I smile at the world flying past me. And the peace I found in moments like this, wherein I felt the most human.

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Where we walked through a forest that led to the caves that were lit by lanterns….

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And not-so-hot-more-like-temperate springs where we pretended to be primitive and exfoliated ourselves with rocks as we filled the air with our voices and laughter…

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Where we have comical motorbike sidecar misadventures…

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And the waterfalls became our playground…

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Where Spicy Pets and kind strangers walk you home when you are three sheets to the wind.

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Where Thai Jack Sparrow is sighted…

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And when recruiting each other for breakfast and countless of other food escapades are necessary.

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And courage, devotion & sacrifice are virtues you drink…

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Where intoxicating nights turned into twirly mornings, and new friends quickly turned into family….

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Where I met the perfect people, at the perfect place, at the perfect time….

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And was reminded again that there is always a reason to why we meet people in serendipitous circumstances. There is a reason behind everything. For deja vu. For that instant feeling of familiarity and comfort when we meet certain people. A chance encounter can affect someone’s life so much, we learn the right lesson at the right time just when it needed to happen.

The universe designed these paths for a purpose… leading us right where we should be. Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence.

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To the place that my inner gravity pulled me to.. the universe paved a path that led me to you. My sweet, sweeeeeet Pai.. you have a piece of my heart, as I have a piece of your spirit.

I carry it with me wherever I go.



Northern Thailand: Loi Krathong Festival in Chiang Mai & Elephant Nature Park



There is a certain magic to Northern Thailand that I can’t quite put into words. When I saw the fog hovering over its mystical mountains and terrain for the first time, I was instantly awestruck. One must be caught in its spell at least once in their lifetime. As look out the train window the sun peeking over the horizon, painting it with light rays, I was so spiritually stirred that it brought tears to my eyes. It’s so easy to fall in love with it at first sight. I knew then, more than ever, that I was in the right place.

As a solo female traveler myself, I have met more solo women travelers than men. And on the overnight train I met an incredibly sweet and tiny Japanese girl traveling alone for months who couldn’t even speak one sentence in English. The courage in these women sparks the courage within even more.
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Sunday Market, Chiang Mai, Thailand

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Nestled at the peak of Doi Suthep Mountain is the Wat Phratat temple. As I walk around this sacred cloister, I am enamored by its structure, the intricate details found in almost every inch of it, and the aura it radiates.

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When you walk inside the temple the smell of incense and burning candles flood your senses. The monks chant incantations and offer me their blessings by tying a white thread around my wrist.

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The magic I’ve found in Northern Thailand flourished when I experienced the Loi Krathong Festival. “The Festival of Lights” is the time of the year when bodies of water all over Thailand come alive with flickering lights floating in the river. These floats are called Krathongs and are made out of banana stalk and leaves, flowers, and are topped of with burning incense and candles. Thais use their Krathongs to pay respect to the water spirits, but more importantly they use it as a symbol of detaching from all negative thoughts and emotions. To let it go and let it float with the currents.

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I followed the parade which led me to the Ping River where crowds of people were releasing lanterns. Chiang Mai’s night sky was flickering with lights fading away into the distance as new ones float gracefully right above me. At one point, I stopped and laid down on the grass. As I watched lanterns float away I think of everything I had been through these past couple of years. All the struggles, chaos, and dark days. I gather all the bad energy in my head, and one by one through each lantern I see, I set it free. I stared at the sky and the scene took my breathe away. All of my adversities has led me here, to this point in time. I am at peace with myself, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, and I am on an adventure leading me toward my dreams. I am in the right place, at the right time & there is nowhere else in the universe I’d rather be.

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One morning I woke up and decided to explore more of the city. I walked past to this beautiful temple and was instantly drawn to it so I went inside. As I was admired the intricate designs a Thai woman came out and called me into the temple. Sarisa is a clothing designer and she has a shop nearby the temple. I sat and meditated inside and we talked for hours after. I felt so connected with this woman because even with the age difference I see a lot of myself in her and she sees a lot of herself in me. She has devoted her life to her work, her designs. Sarisa mentioned that she doesn’t have a man or children, but as long as she is doing what she loves, she is genuinely happy. One day she hopes to have a home stay where she can welcome people from all over the world and also teach them how to sew and create clothing. She said money isn’t important to her. Yes it is needed for basic necessities. She dreams of a day when people would stop obsessing over money and look beyond paper and coins. A day when people offer gratitude through creating gifts, trading talents, and sharing love & kindness above everything.

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Sarisa invited me to a ceremony they’re going to have at the temple, so I came back that night. I was even allowed to take pictures of the monks during their rituals, I immediately jumped at the chance.

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She brought sky lanterns for everyone to set free. So I we lit up ours, I thought of all the negative energy and ego-based thoughts that I had lingering through my mind and body. And as we set our lantern free, I let it go with it.

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Late night conversations with great company.

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Elephant Nature Park, Chiang Mai

The Asian elephants in Thailand are considered to be the most sacred of all animals. They have been a significant part of the history and mysticism that Thailand possesses. A century ago there were over 200,000 Asian elephants in this country, now there are only 2,000. Elephants were poached for their meat and ivory tusks. And the ones left standing were mainly used to to work for logging. In 1989 the government implemented a bill that banned commercial logging in Thailand. This law put many mahouts and elephants out of work. Because of this, they had to resort to other means of living which gave birth to the elephant tourism industry.

The influx of tourists in Thailand in the past couple of decades put mahouts and their elephants back to business. Tourists are amused as they are able to ride elephants all day, watch them do tricks, paint and create art. Fascinating right? See, little do they know of what goes on behind the scenes. The reality is each baby elephant that will be put to work goes through a week-long torture training with their mahout so they become submissive.. this is called Phajaan.  It is a time of constant fear and pain for young elephants. It is the first time a baby infant has been separated from its mother. Baby elephants are captured, put into a cage that does not allow them to move at all, 7 days everyone in the village takes turns breaking the animal using sticks with nails at the end, ropes and hot irons. The elephant is chained down and spears are used to make them raise their feet on command, and villagers force the elephant to accept people on her back for the first time. And that’s where the money in the elephant tourism industry is going, to support elephant torture. Fortunately, there are a handful of people who have made a large impact in working to save these magnificent creatures. One of them is Lek Chailert.

She was the one who founded this place that I call elephant heaven in Thailand. A land where working elephants are saved by this inspirational woman and are nurtured and cared for in their natural habitat. I took a day trip to visit the park myself as I have been dreaming of going to this park for a while. About an hour away from Chiang Mai, Elephant Nature Park is nestled in between Northern Thailand’s mountains and jungles. As I got off the ENP van they led me to their feeding grounds… and right before my eyes was the terrain where these gentle giants are wandering around freely in their peaceful home.

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Introducing Elephant Nature Park’s first baby elephant born in the sanctuary, cute little Navann..

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Me bathing one of their gorgeous elephants…

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After a wondrous experience in Chiang Mai I took a 4-hour mini bus ride to a place people have been telling me about. Resting further into the mountains of Northern Thailand is a small hippie town that stole my heart, called Pai….

Thailand: Bangkok & Ayutthaya.


I can show you pictures, play you videos, and tell you stories that depict the one month I’ve spent in Thailand. But the truth is, nothing will compare to what I have experienced with my bare eyes in this mystical land. It was magnificent in all levels others can’t quite fathom with mere pictures and stories. However I’ve attempted to capture it through a photo documentary, in the hopes that it will inspire you to set foot in this land one day and embark on a grand adventure so you can experience it for yourself. But for now, here’s the beginning of the journey, through my eyes.

The ancient ruins of Thailand’s former capital, Ayutthaya.

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I was completely awestruck by the sight of these majestic ancient structures and buddha statues everywhere. History has its way of sending shivers down my spine and inducing blissful goosebumps. I find beauty in the ruins. The ground I walked upon had endured centuries of chaos. And now it sits calm and at peace. Then I think of my life and the battles I’ve had within myself, the chaos I’ve endured within, the inner peace I have found within the past couple of years and the person I have become.  I sit on one of the ancient brick walls and I feel connected to this place. I am not so different from it in a sense.

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One of my favorite things about this country are the Buddhist monks you see everywhere doing everyday things. Hanging out on their porches, riding scooters, talking on their phones, sometimes meditating in random places.. I can’t help but smile to myself every time I see them.

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Such a beautiful and sweet Thai lady..
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The stray dogs here are so calm. They rarely try to bark at people. All they do lie out and bathe in the sun all day.
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These children were playing and studying outdoors, on a mat laid out on the ground nearby the temples. That’s something you never see in America.
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Buddhist monks tie blessed scarves around trees. Bad luck will come to any who harm a tree that has been blessed by a scarf.
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Coin sticks to the wall with the power of the mind, as they say.
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They said that when the Burmese defeated Ayutthaya, destroyed the temples & beheaded the Buddhas, many debris fell to the ground and were left there. For a long time the temple was completely deserted and the trees started growing over it, including one that grew around the Buddha head. It’s incredible how nature can easily find a way to somehow restore its beauty. Even through concrete structures. _DSC4839 copy

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I am a huge lover of elephants as they are my favorite animals. However, I did not do any elephant riding throughout this whole trip because I didn’t want to contribute to the elephant tourism industry. It’s unfortunate how the mahouts treat their working elephants, and ironic because they are considered to be sacred in this country. It’s so sad to see that most people see Thai elephants as a moneymaking endeavor. These beautiful gentle giants are not meant to paint, entertain humans, do tricks, ride people around their backs all day to be stuck in a cage all night. They should be free to roam around in their jungles, they must let them be. (See Chiang Mai post for my experience with Elephant Nature Park and more detailed story of elephants in Thailand).
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I need these ellies in front of my house one day!

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Found Mr. Turtle randomly crawling around the grass. Hello little creature!

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Chinatown, Bangkok

Pad thai, my everyday meal.

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The ferry ride in King River was one of my favorite moments in Bangkok. A couple new friends and I took it to Chinatown. We were caught in the rain at one point and were completely drenched. But I didn’t mind, getting caught in the warm rain if one of life’s greatest pleasures.
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Thai iced tea was an everyday consumption for me in Thailand!
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Although Bangkok was my least favorite place in Thailand, it still has its own charm. I appreciated the sights, the intricate designs of all the temples, the night life, the great people I’ve met, the incredible food (my diet consisted of 90% pad thai the whole time I was there) and cheap cheap cheap shopping. But after a few days of the city, it was time for me to move on. So I took an overnight train to a place I have been longing to experience for quite a while: Northern Thailand…

Fresh off the journal. Guangzhou, China- November 20, 2012.

It’s been less than a year since I took the big leap. Life hasn’t been the same since in the best way possible. It was just an idea to do all of this. To quit college. Quit my job. And follow my bliss. To follow my dreams and do what I love. To travel on my own. To go back and reconnect with my homeland. Everything started out as a mere idea. In the past few months it was given breath. Now it has fully come alive right before my eyes. As I sit here waiting for my second flight, I observe some former fears that quickly hovered my mind as I fly into the unknown. Then I instantly snap out of it. Three years ago if you told me I’d be traveling alone in Thailand I would have laughed at your face. Because I didn’t have the guts back then. I was too weak. My mental and emotional state was untable. I just wasn’t brave enough. Nor strong enough. And now I feel the complete opposite. There is so much excitement running through my veins. And my courage to wander off on my adventure weighs more than any other worry or fear that has lingered through my mind. I know I need to do this. To travel for the sake of travel, for the sake of fulfilling the desires of my heart. I somehow know deep within my heart that there is no reason for me to be scared. I feel protected by the universe as it helped me pave the way.

There’s nothing else I should do other than to surrender to the currents of the universe.  To live in the moment and be constantly present. To flow freely with every circumstance, with each soul I come across, each lesson to be learned. Because everything is always in its perfect place. Everything happens for a reason. All we need to do is to take that leap and let the wind lead.

A long lost letter, from your innate creative soul.

“Let yourself go. Shake off inhibition and fear, and be yourself. Learn to think and act naturally, spontaneously; harmony and symmetry will enter your life, and you will discover your inherent talent. Thus he discovers his talent. It may be in the arts, the sciences, business, war, or politics; but wherever he finds his niche, he will fit into it as a hand in a skintight glove, as if he and it were made for each other, and he will perform his work in such a manner as to be completely indistinguishable from it.”

-Uell Stanley Andersen

 

You are created by two human beings making love through the beat of their bodies. For nine months you are a tiny organism feeding onto a chord that connects you to your mother’s womb. Then you pass through the tunnel that separates you from your mother’s body and into an unfamiliar world. Congratulations, you’ve already come a long way. Now you are human being on planet Earth. For several months or so your heart is literally as close to the Earth as it will ever be your entire life. You are nurtured by your mother through the bosoms that secrete love milk to sustain and nourish you. Then you learn how to walk on your own. Such great talent you have, being capable of walking on your own two feet! Then you are now able to communicate with your fellow beings with full phrases. What a genius you’ve become! You have an innate curiosity to explore this vast world around you, and all you do is imagine and create. It’s your natural state. When your eyes are closed you are able to see ethereal worlds that you would have never seen in a physical realm with your eyes wide open.

 

Then you learn how to launch your rocket ship off of your backyard to outer space. You embark on a four hour journey across mountains and hanging bridges as you fight off dragons and five-headed monsters on your way to find buried treasure in your sandbox, just in time for mom’s dinner. You wake up the next morning and turn into a mermaid and explore the deep oceans of your inflatable pool. By noon you’ll be fighting off villains in your room in order to save your baby sister.

 

Everything starts as an image or idea in your head then it is later on fired by creativity. Then you manufacture those same ideas and images and make it come to life through the beauty of self-expression. You can paint, invent, write, draw, and create anything. And it is always exquisite. Mom always praises you on how good you are. You’re proud because you created something. You went from being a fetus, to being a conscious human being with your feet planted on the ground and head as infinitely far as your imagination takes you.

 

Then you enter the education system. And your capabilities are hindered through tiny bubbles of a standardized exam enforced by a broken institution. Your teachers tell you that your work isn’t good enough. That doing creative work will get you nowhere in life. See, you were a painter.  You created incredible art. And you did it not for money, not to impress, nor to prove something. You did it because you are capable of doing it, you love doing it, and it’s well beyond your ability. Then all of a sudden you are forced to make a decision on your career without knowing much of who you are. They tell you to go to college. Pick a degree that will make as much money possible. Not anything creative though, there’s not a lot of money in being creative. They establish this notion that everything revolves around money and that you are not successful unless you are financially wealthy. They tell you that once you get that degree, you must have a high salary job. Once you do, you buy a suit. You work in a cubicle. You have all the wealth. More than enough to provide for your family. Nice cars, big house, expensive things. You have it all. You develop a safe and secure daily routine that you practice for decades until you retire when you’re 60. Your creative spirit is in a dormant state at this point. Your mind becomes so used to your monotonous way of living that it adapts and works through that routine as well. Then you retire. Then your heart is exhausted from beating for all the wrong reasons. And one day you drive by the art store to re-paint your living room in attempts to salvage whatever creativity it is that you have left within your depleted soul. You pass by the aisle of brushes, oils, and acrylics. Your hand touches the tip of those brushes, and you think to yourself “What would I have been able to create if I just followed the tip of this paintbrush?”. And you’ll look back at the life that you lived and think to yourself “Did I live a full life? Did I even live up to my full potential? Did I become the person that I wanted to be?”. Then you hear a voice.

 

 

Come back to wherever you are in this present moment.

 

 

Hello again. It’s me. I was that creative spirit you lost many years ago. I want to tell you something. You are a very special living, breathing, bleeding, feeling, conscious being. You were born into this world to imagine, create, and explore. You have this innate childlike curiosity to learn and understand everything around you. To wander through your surroundings and revel in the beauty of seeing things for the first time.

 

Childhood was when you were the most ambitious and your dreams were the biggest. This was the most raw, unfiltered, expressive, liberating time of your life because this was when the borderline of impossible and possible was nonexistent. One thing you should know is, you can bring it back to life.

 

You created to manifest the vast realm of your imagination. May it be stick figures, chicken scratch, doodles, boy it was something. Everything starts off as an idea in your head. EVERYTHING. You can pinpoint whatever it is you want to do, pursue it with all of your heart and soul, harness all of your energy towards it and continue working towards it everyday and you will be talented at it. You will that use that creative medium to release the imaginative flow. Those stick figures became Van Gogh’s subjects. The finger paints became Salvador Dali’s art. The chicken scratch became Ralph Waldo Emerson’s writings.

 

You want to learn how to draw? Take a class and do it. Want to play the guitar? Teach yourself, the internet is the most powerful learning tool ever invented, use it wisely. Want to become a painter? Go to the nearest art store and buy a handful of brushes, paint and start creating. And keep in mind that creativity is not solely processed through art. You can use it through science, business, anything at all as long as you put your heart and soul into it. If you apply the creative spirit to everything you do in life, it will give everything that you touch genuine meaning. It will radiate through your work, yourself, and your surroundings. And whatever it is you decide to do.. practice. EVERYDAY. The only thing that is holding you back from exploring all the abilities that you innately possess, is yourself.

 

The sad truth is we live in a society wherein they define and measure your value as a human being through the number of digits you have in your bank account. Where creativity and imagination has been suppressed and weighed down by a monetary system and a monotonous life path. As a result people live meaningless unhappy lives because they base their values of success and happiness through numbers. The mundane routines of life interrupts them from feeling the capacity of what human beings are able to feel.

 

You need to break out of that bubble. Take off the gray veil that has blinded you from experiencing the world around you in the most profound way. Explore your abilities and if you persist, one day you will find what you’re good at, you will find what you love to do. And once you do, you will never stop creating through it. It will be your soul’s purpose. There is a force that lies within creativity that is similar to birds building their nests, the effortless way that the flower grows from the soil, the intricate design of a seashell, the metamorphosis of a butterfly, and the formation of cotton candy clouds on a blue sky. There’s a natural impetus flowing through you that is inevitable and cannot be hindered so as long as you are working through your inner spirit.

 

Recognize the immensity of your existence on this planet. And whatever you want to do, never tell yourself that you can’t do it. Don’t even tell yourself that you are not the creative type. Don’t tell yourself that you have no talents and stop using it as an excuse as to why you haven’t explore your abilities. Stop telling yourself that it’s too difficult to attain. Stop telling yourself that you are inadequate. That’s nothing but an illusion. An illusion create by your ego-based mind hindering you from becoming the person you want to become, the person who you are truly meant to be.

 

Do this for yourself. For a moment, just picture your tiny and fragile self in your mother’s womb. Then look at yourself in the mirror, right before you is solid proof of how far you’ve come since then. You may not always be where you want to be, but you’re somewhere. It’s where you choose to go from there where your true potential lies.

 

YOU ARE HUMAN. There are worlds of talents and abilities that lie within you but you’ll never discover it until you dig it out. So start digging. It might be just waiting for you, right below the surface.

Costa Rica: Part One

“Not all those who wander are lost.” -J.R.R. Tolkien

I love airplanes. I love peering out the window and all I see are blankets of cotton candy clouds. I love the notion that I am floating somewhere in the sky. And it makes me so happy. I’ve been on airplanes a few times, and each time I am overwhelmed with excitement. People should really enjoy plane rides more. A century ago, flying was deemed impossible. Human flight was a miracle. I think of this as I sit on my chair in the stratosphere, and revere in the beauty of it all.. then I smile to myself. Living in this moment is solid proof that anything is possible. We must always find the magic in these small beautiful moments, because it could be as big as however you imagine it to be.

There’s something so nostalgic about airports. Once you look beyond schedule and hectic routine that lies on the surface, you’ll find so much beauty.. like everything else in life. I love the sense of mystery and adventure, that you have to be somewhere. And you wonder where these people are going and what they’ll be doing. I love watching people in tears saying their goodbyes to people they may not see for months, years, forever. I love watching people arrive as their loved ones cry tears of joy. Months or years of anticipation, right in front of them. Yes, they are strangers. But for a few seconds you can take a peek into their lives. There’s  a strong sense of connection regardless of the fact that they are aware or unaware that this is witnessed. I love being entwined with other people’s emotions even for just fleeting moments, because we are all human and we all know how that feels. We become touched by each other’s spirits. And again you are reminded that you are never alone.

Mexico D.F. 

It was raining when we got out of the airport. Our hostel shuttle was waiting for us outside. After several years of California weather, I find humidity licking my skin again as we stepped out of the airport. It was midnight and pouring rain. We drove through the shiny roads reflected by orange street light. I looked around and was in awe, I’m finally in Costa Rica. Tired but happy, I felt like I was dreaming.

Hostel Pangea- San Jose, Costa Rica

Wandering through the city.

Everything is so green. The roads are so narrow. And Costa Rican drivers border on being brave and insane. Everything is brand new so I feel like an eager child. I am looking through the window as we drive out the city and up into the mountains and rainforests. I love seeing things for the first time, as if I was born again. Our quirky tour guide, Jeremy explains the meaning of Pura Vida. Pure life. It means to life to the fullest, pushing the limits of excitement, or as far as your sense of adventure takes you. To savor life in each delicious moment, and to live purely day by day. It’s a perfect definition for this country. Those two words will always resonate within me wherever I go.

Coffee tasting tour at the oldest coffee plantation in Costa Rica.

We drove farther up to hike up Poas Volcano.

And there it was, Poas Volcano right before us. The fog hovering over this ethereal blue pool of acid. I felt like I was in a dream awake with wide eyes.

Seeing the La Paz waterfalls for the first time instantly took my breathe away. The rain was pouring down on us. Amidst this incredible cloud rainforest I can feel every drop of cool rain bouncing off my bare skin. I look up at the large trees framing the sky and see bullets of water falling through it. I hold my hand out and focused on every drop. I felt almost every hair raise from bliss chills. In that moment I felt so alive. Here I am in a different country. In a rainforest. Right by a waterfall. Away from my family and friends. Away from the life I was familiar with. Outside of my comfort zone. I’m not Stephanie who was born and raised in the Philippines. I’m not Stephanie who lives in the United States. I’m not the person I identified with.

I am a feeling, pulsing, bleeding, breathing, conscious being living right here in this moment.. in organic ecstasy as I feel the water falling from the thick light gray clouds. A majestic waterfall right before my eyes. And in that moment of Satori..

No past. No future. Living in pure bliss of every present moment… I felt completely free and infinite.

After 3 days and 3 nights in San Jose, we’ve had a good dose of the city. So we decided to take a 6-hour bus and head over to La Fortuna, the home of the Arenal Volcano.


Arenal Backpackers- La Fortuna, Costa Rica.

I decided to wander off before it started pouring rain again. As I was walking down the street I look to the side and see children playing. I attempt to communicate with some broken Spanish phrases and capture their moments.

To be continued….

Felt the need t…

Felt the need to write this before I sleep tonight.

There will be a time when all of you will realize that a brand of car/clothing/purse is not proportional to your value as a human being. When you will look at the innate beauty of the human soul as opposed to limiting them through their physical imperfections. When you eat to live, not live to eat. When you get off your fucking couch and stop watching the senseless bullshit that corporate media has been feeding your mind since childhood. When you realize that you need to stop believing everything the government says, and educate yourself on what is real and what is just. When you realize that romantic love is a speck of dust compared to what infinite compassionate universal love is. When you travel and begin to realize that yes you have been selfish and spoiled rotten, and you need to help the ones who need it. Mankind has fucked up, and humanity needs to fix it. Call it wishful thinking, mumble that it’s impossible, whatever. I will always believe in humanity and the power of the human spirit.