The calm.

Press play first.

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As I am writing this bit I am twisted into my blanket on my bed, in my room, in our communal home, in San Diego, in California, in the United States, in North America, in planet Earth, in the solar system, in Milky Way Galaxy, floating along with other billions of galaxies, in a vast expanding universe, in infinity and all the things we will never know.

I currently have five blog posts waiting to be finished, this being one of them. I’ve written and re-written this in spurts, in different times, different days, different places. So I’m just going to let the rest spill and talk to you. Human to human.

I’ve honestly felt out of place this year. Ever since I stepped off the plane and back into familiarity, that’s what I’ve felt like. Kind of like a fish out of water. But then again I know I’ll always feel that way when I’m not traveling. The road is the only place I can ever truly feel and call my home. And so I struggled for the first few months when I came back last year. From disheartening family issues, to finding a job, to accumulating debt and paying it off, to moving out and living on my own again while trying to budget and save as much as I possibly can, it was tough. But I have harbored resilience. I started practicing gratitude. Of being thankful for what I have, wherever I am. It doesn’t take that long for the light to seep in, so it came and stayed. I found a day job, starting doing more freelance work, my blog grew and wonderful opportunities opened up, moved into a sunny communal home with beautiful energy and beautiful souls right by the lagoon and things got better. Connected with kindred spirits with big dreams and similar paths that these brave souls have created on their own. I went on spontaneous short bursts of adventures to pacify my wanderlust. I mirrored my demons, accepted harsh realities about myself, and through it all I became a better human being. I’ll always belief that we should always pursue becoming a better person than we were yesterday. My heart bursts in gratitude for this year’s lessons, growth, and epiphanies that feed my soul.

The biggest lesson that I’ve learned over this past year, is to always come back to gratitude. No matter whatever thoughts and emotions come to cloud you. Always come back to this present moment. In gratitude. Even if it’s something small like the food in your mouth. The water in your glass. The wind in your hair. The pencil in your hand. The birds in your backyard. A child’s laugh. When you feel grateful for simple things you’ll find plenty of other things to be grateful for and the universe will give you more of it. And at the end of the day, you’re still here. You’re still alive. You’re still breathing. There is still beauty everywhere. And there is still love everywhere.

Gratitude is the highest vibration there is. We must choose to count our blessings, not our worries. Through immersing ourselves in the present moment we become more grateful. Through becoming more grateful we are allowing goodness in. Through allowing goodness in comes the trust that everything will always be okay, always perfectly placed in heartbeats and in breaths.

I will take it all with me on the road.

I’m leaving for Asia in seven weeks. With only a few grand by the time I leave, I’ve decided to live on the road indefinitely. Couchsurfing, volunteer work, doing freelance work with photography and writing, working on The Wanderers project, working on the blog, but above it all: exploring the unfathomably beautiful world I have infinite love for.

I have no specific plans other than I will be in Bali for at least a couple months. And that I’ll be wandering through Asia. I’ll be on the road I call my home. I’m more than happy just by knowing that. That’s all I really need to know. I know that I’ll forever love the feeling of being moonstruck and madly in love with a place I have never been to before, a place I’ve been aching for. And that moment I step out of the airport, with all my belongings perched on my back, my first day in the country I have lusted over for too long. The uncertainty & the unknown ahead. And the warmth I find in it. The abounding stories waiting to be seen, heard, and told. It’s one of the best feelings in the world. Wanderlust sustains me.

It settles in at around this time. Always around the last two months before I fly off. When there is a certain calm, when everything is beginning to look clear again. Clear enough to reveal the unknown. I’m going back to the road on my own. I’m going back to raw days in raw places. To marvels. To heightened senses. To new eyes. To strange beautiful things. To delicious ambiguity. To wherever the wind blows. I’m going back home. That familiar calm is back. And I am comforted by the unknown that awaits.

The last two months will be a blink. From here, I float on.

shakethedust

 

49 more sleeps.

 

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46 thoughts on “The calm.

  1. Another beautiful post. Your words on gratitude are lovely. Sending lots of love as you keep moving along your path, always exactly where you’re supposed to be! Looking forward to more gorgeous words and photographs!

  2. Thanks for your honesty in sharing the challenges of rooting and the joys of travel. Maybe it’s time for me to consider the road, rooting has not worked for me, at least where I live now. To happy travel adventures, Brad

  3. Everywhere you go , there you are. Traveling gives you the feeling like you are doing something, like your life is moving forward. You are gathering experiences and filling the void, filling the time. It is growth and the illusion of growth. It stretches you in a powerful way and helps you hide as well. It teaches you and allows you to teach. It’s worth doing and sometimes it is buying time to help you find your place in the world. It makes you feel connected to the world and can disguise your alienation from the world. It is at times fun and at times depressing.   I have travelled in my youth, in my middle age, and at 65 I intend to do more traveling  in this country and overseas. Hope to go to Turkey, Israel, Bali Philipines, Myanmar, Laos, Cambodia, maybe Viet Nam. Ultimately buy a van and travel around the US as I have done in the past. This is an amazing country.

    I like the unknown and what it brings out of me, I like to travel to places without a conception of how it will be, I like to see the beauty of people, events and situations, imagine the history and realize that I am in the flow of history.

    Traveling can become too passive for me over time. I have felt a need to engage more meaningfully. I have helped people my whole life and that has provided the most fulfillment. I have skill sets to help people overseas now but not when I was younger. I may or may not offer those skill sets because now I am more tired. I am coming to terms with things I can no longer do. I am glad you are following your passion and I am proud of you like I would be of a daughter.

    Still, the time may come when more meaningful engagement in the world will call on your soul. That said, Rick Steves makes his living traveling around and talking about it. Perhaps I am just projecting my concern of being too passive in the world.

    You are a thoughtful, kind spirited young woman and I wish you well in your internal and external journey. Namaste -Mark

    >________________________________ > From: infinite satori >To: markben1@sbcglobal.net >Sent: Saturday, May 10, 2014 1:33 AM >Subject: [New post] The calm. > > > > WordPress.com >Satori posted: “Press play first. As I am writing this bit I am twisted into my blanket on my bed, in my room, in my house, in San Diego, in California, in the United States, in North America, in planet Earth, in the solar system, in Milky Way Galaxy, in the uni” >

  4. As always, I am inspired by your posts. I hope to bump into you somewhere in Asia to say my warmest thanks for creating this blog. I consider this to be a haven whenever I feel so exhausted from all the familiarities around.

  5. Great post. I love the way you put it all and I relate to what you are saying. I am feeling a little unsure of myself right now because I am back home and have a job and am going to have to find my own place and I worry about falling into the same chains that made me unhappy before – debt, spending wages on crap every week etc. I am also trying to build a writing career so that I can write and travel. I think all I can do is give it a year and whatever I am doing hit the road again anyway. It’s hard being here and trying to pretend that everyday day life and houses and babies and marriages interest me or face the constant questioning about what I plan to do with the rest of my life that is for some reason deemed acceptable for anyone who has travelled. It’s comforting to know other people feel the same and I am going to concentrate on gratitude and enjoying the moments here knowing that nothing is forever. I wish you well on your travels! Your posts while travelling may just push me over the edge and make me go off on an adventure!! I can’t wait to hear all about it.

  6. Reblogged this on meganonatrailer and commented:
    Life has been pretty good here in Ghana, so I haven’t had much to report. Spending time with my friends (playing a LOT of Yahtzee), working on my twi, and making a little tour now that my lovely friend Alana is here visiting – nothing too exciting or worth writing about, but amazing nonetheless.

    Lots of pictures to come, if I ever find wifi, but not much in terms of written content.

    In the meantime, I’ve been reading a lot of other blogs lately, and found this one to be relevant to my experience with travel. It does sound quite a bit more romantic and glamorous than I could claim for myself, but I am happy to have some confirmation that I’m not the only one who embarks on ridiculous adventures such as this, simply because to stay would be too repressive.

  7. This is just perfect. The way you connect to my soul and the inner workings of my heart with your words is magical. The excitement before leaving for a trip full of uncertainty is not like anything I’ve ever felt before. I am really looking forward to following your adventure! I too was lost at “home”, knowing all the while my real home was on the road. I believe we are kindred spirits. If you travels lead you to Spain I hope to cross paths and dance under the moonlight.

    Love and light

  8. My heart swells with love for your blog. I’ve just stumbled across your little corner of the internet, and could not be more in a bliss coma than I am now. Every word, every song, each perfectly placed, sparkly sentence makes my soul want to hug you. I am a stuck traveler and now have so much light in my future. Your bookmarked in my tab and in my heart. I can’t wait to see how you evolve. All the love, Ele.

  9. Wow. I just found your blog and this post speaks to me in many ways. Travel is so important….makes me feel alive…a part of this big wild world. Lovely. I’m glad I found your blog here. Best, Tessa

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  11. With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement?
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  12. That is a very good tip especially to those fresh to the blogosphere.
    Brief but very precise information… Thanks for sharing this one.

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